Single.

New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings- Lao Tzu

To be emotionally vulnerable is one thing but doing it online is a whole other level so if this helps one person feel a little lighter and brighter then it will be worth it. Here goes, let’s make this post a little more personal than usual. Okay, a lot more personal. Break-up: an act or instance of ending. The many years of watching soppy TV shows/ films and the large number of break ups that come with them, nothing can ever really prepare you for your own one. My relationship ended. There’s no manual that gives you a quick fix and makes the heavy heart go away. He was my best friend and there was a reason, well, many reasons why I was with him but sometimes things just don’t work out. Regardless of why the break up happened, it did and at the end of the day, I know it was meant to be. At the time, inevitably and like most, I felt awful and I cried more tears than I knew a person could ever cry but that was a necessary release.

During the “healing stage” you sometimes just want to just cry yourself into a puddle (more like a pool), other times you just want to forget about everything and the rest of the time it is just a mix of the two. Well at least that was the case for me. They are your best friend for what has felt like a lifetime and for them to suddenly not be that go to person is a huge adjustment. There was a seed at the back of my mind telling me that I will be alone for the rest of time, that I’d never find someone and boy did it get louder when I felt most insecure. I know that was incredibly silly for so many different reasons but I also knew that I had to wallow myself deep into those emotions in order to let it go. I am single. That was a phrase I wasn't used to but saying it aloud made it even more real. It also got easier the more I said it. I’ve heard it plenty of times but it is true; we learn more from our losses than we do from our wins. Life isn’t a fairy-tale but you can make it the best it can be.

Don't ever feel like you have to stay in a relationship out of convenience or because you feel like leaving it means you have wasted time. Or even too scared to lose a friend. Doing so, is the worst and possibly the cruelest thing you could do to yourself and them as you'll be wasting even more time not being fully happy. Never settle, life is far too short and we all deserve the best kind of love. They will be the one that makes your heart soar when you see them, the one who you will learn from without realising, the one you disagree with at times but rise above it together, the one you yearn for and miss when not together, the one who can make you laugh when you feel like there's no more light in this world and the one who makes you feel the most beautiful at times when you don't feel it. That person is out there for you. They will bring out the best in you, they will cheer you on about the things that matter most to you and they will make you feel safe, secure and most importantly loved. And you will do the same for them, it will be a reflex between the two of you. An instinct. 

Learning to be on your own will take some getting used to and it will be so damn tough so until you fully heal, blast your favourite tunes, the sad ones and the happy ones. Get away from any negative energy. Go out with your best friends, the ones that make you laugh until your cheeks and tummy hurt. Go shopping and treat yourself to a couple of items on your wish list. Get rid of any reminder of them such as photos. Buy yourself your favourite flowers/chocolates/both. Learn to love your own company and realise how incredible you are and that you deserve all the great things that this world has to offer. We just have to be brave enough to believe it and I know you are.  Love is the closest thing we have to magic and I truly hope we all find it. Time heals all and you will get there. You've got this!