'Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.' - Haruki Murakami

'Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.' - Arthur Schopenhauer

I hope this post can give you a semblance of strength when you need it.

With life, comes death, we know that but we avoid the conversation surrounding it. A morbid topic and obviously a switch in the mood but a topic that should be discussed because society really struggles to deal with the notion of death so when it does happen, no one really knows what to say or do. Life naturally carries on so we stand whole despite being broken. It will be a process but we slowly learn how to deal with the pain whilst we put ourselves back together again and continue to live our lives.

We often forget how precious life is because too often we behave as if it is just given and is infinite. I guess it is poetic that we use the word present for living in the moment. We only really grasp how fragile life can be when we ourselves or someone we are close to experiences something that puts life on the line.

It will never be something we can process easily, no matter how often, God forbid. 'Desperate people find faith' so despite me not really knowing if heaven exists or if spirits seek a new body in their next life, I'd like to think that that those we have lost are reunited with their lost loved ones. They join together sometimes to watch over us and do what they would have done if they were here on earth. No suffering, no pain, just happiness and pure bliss. Maybe I think like this to selfishly make it easier to deal with but to also hold onto hope.

I don't know how to deal with it the "right way" mainly because there is no right way but really because I am still learning too. However, I do think that as a society we need to do better in having an open conversation about the passing of life for so many different reasons including dealing with grief itself. As blunt as this may sound, death is inevitable so it is our duty to make the most of every moment we have. The universe doesn't owe us anything and if we want/ need something, we ourselves are the only people who can make sure it happens. 'Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.' - Michael Landon

Go on that holiday, buy those shoes you have been umming and ahhing over for months, tell your loved ones how you truly feel, cut the toxic people out of your life, soak in all that's good in this world and breathe. Be genuine and live in the moment. If it matters to you, you will make it happen. It doesn't matter how fast or slow, you owe it to yourself to be truly happy and live life to the fullest, with minimal regrets.

Dear ayya,

Everyone who had the pleasure of knowing you had their heart shatter the moment you left this world. The void and numbness I feel from that awful day allows me to reflect on how valuable our lives truly are.  Heartbreaking but vital to be given such perspective and you always did that, you taught me so much, in so many different ways. No one will ever be able to fault you and the light you brought to all of our lives, including your terrible but brilliant Dad jokes and dance moves. So bad that they made us fall into a fit of laughter. I will miss them and your warm and infectious laugh. 

I will never understand but I won't pretend it isn't real either as I know that isn't healthy. Although sometimes I wish I could, just so I can pretend to hug you one last time and remind you of how much you mean to me. I will forever cherish the many years of memories and traditions we created together and I will hold onto them forever. I won't torture myself trying to remember the specific date or time we did a certain thing together but instead I will hold onto them as treasured memories. When my heart aches from missing you, I will pull out a memory and I will replay it to keep the pain at bay and remind myself of your words: "always be true to yourself and be happy".

Your patience, kindness and generosity were unparalleled and it came from your genuine love for others, not just for those you knew and loved but for complete strangers too. To have known you was a privilege and I am so incredibly proud and lucky to have you as my cousin- that feeling will never leave my heart. Thank you for all that you are. I miss you and will continue to. 

Love you always, Amanda nangi. 

In loving memory of Rikard Rupasinghe and Jack Morgan 
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